Whenever God gives us a spiritual breakthrough we can count on opposition. I wish this weren't true, but it has happened over and over again in my life. This week was no different. At least this time the enemy had to try several different tactics before he found one that could shake me up. (Temporarily)

He tried to make me feel overwhelmed by the busy week I jumped into after returning from the conference. Didn't work. He wanted me to feel resentful that Paul had to work late this week. Didn't work. He tempted me to feel sorry for myself because I was tired. Didn't work. So then he started playing dirty. He got to me through one of my children. Yesterday one of my girls had a major meltdown. One that was ugly and that lasted quite a while. I tried everything! Nothing worked! Finally she calmed down and was fine the rest of the day. But I wasn't. I saw the folly of some of my desperate measures and felt like a Bad Mom. That Bad Mom feeling has finally gone, and I am praying for God's wisdom in handling any future meltdowns.

I want to recognize all of Satan's schemes so I can call on God's power to withstand them! "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - I Cor. 10:13

When I sensed that God had released me from the pit, there were many things I expected to think & feel - and I did. Freedom to be who God made me without worrying about if other people will accept me and approve of me. No more feeling like everyone secretly dislikes me. Peace.

But there were aspects to my pit I didn't know about. And now that I'm free, I see how free I am.

Paul has had to work late every day this week. Normally I would feel upset about it. And deep down I would feel like he cared about work more than he cared about me or our family. I would fight these feelings, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but they were definitely there. But this week has been different. No feeling unimportant. No accusing phone calls. ("You said you would be home an hour ago! Where are you?) No feeling sorry for myself. No anger. I was peaceful and supportive even when it wasn't convenient (having to pick up a daughter from ballet when I hadn't planned for it). None of my new response has anything to do with me. It's all from God. Because He pulled me out of my pit, I no longer fear and compete with my husbands' work. God does so many amazing things...even when we don't expect them!

God pulled me out of the pit last weekend. My pit wasn't a small ditch that I'd only been in a short time, but a massive below-ground network that I had lived in for over 20 years. It didn't start out that big, but other people and I kept adding to it.

I was initially thrown in over 20 years ago, when I was 10. My fifth-grade year the girls in my class began excluding and ostracizing me. I still don't know what motivated them. This began a three and a half year season of rejection, teasing, and exclusion. Not that I never had any friends during that time. I had several people who were friends for a short time, but moved on after a while. In the midst of this, my pit was deepened by my parents' divorce. My response to the pit of rejection was fear of rejection and an almost desperate desire for people to like me.

God changed my circumstances when I was in the eighth grade. A group of nice girls befriended me, and we remained friends through high school. That year was also the year I accepted Jesus as my Savior. We were at a new church, and I began to have a few friends there, in addition to my school friends. (I went to school in a small town outside the larger town where I attended church.) But even though my circumstances changed, my fear of rejection and my unhealthy desire for others' approval remained. My pit may not have been as deep, but I still was living in it.

I added to my pit, too. I did things that were sinful and foolish in order to try to obtain the approval of others. So then I had a pit of fear, need for approval, sin, and regret. I also added pride to the mix. I was so mad at myself for my actions and really believed that I could have and should have done better! (Not Christ in me, but just me.)

God finally closed off the regret and the most obvious pride by impressing on me that I can do nothing operating in my own strength. I now realize that the only way I would have made wiser decisions would be to totally rely on Christ's power, not my own!

But over 20 years later, I still lived in the pit of fear of rejection and desperation for their approval. My husband would tell me to get over it, but I never could. I now realize it's because only God can pull me out of a pit.

Last weekend I went to Living Proof Live. From the first line of the first song, God reached down and began pulling me out. By the end of Friday night, I knew I was FREE! I can't explain how He did it and don't fully understand it, but I KNOW that He pulled me out! I pray daily that I won't slip back in! He is faithful! PRAISE HIM!

I've been reading blogs for some months now, and I've finally taken the plunge to write my own. I want this blog to be a record of what God has done and is doing in my life Thus Far. For it to be my Ebenezer stone for myself, my family, and anyone else who may happen to be led to read it.

God has done so much in my life, but I tend to forget. Writing it down will be a tangible reminder of all He has done. He is good!

I hope to hear from others how God is working in your lives, too. May this be a forum for us to "spur one another on to love and good deeds."